An essential question for every leader

Life and leadership are full of curve balls.

However much we plan or follow a process, unexpected situations arise, both good and bad.

At such moments our heads can be full of questions, but not necessarily helpful ones!

Sometimes life gives us a run of unexpected good fortune and it’s natural to think “Wouldn’t it be lovely if it was like this all the time?”

But, as someone pointed out in conversation recently, it probably wouldn’t! If Christmas came every day, it would lose its magic pretty quickly.

And what about when everything seems to be going wrong?

Failures, missteps and problems sometimes come along one after the other and we can easily fall into negative questioning.

Once we’re down there in the doldrums, it can be a very hard place to climb out from.

Leadership is full of such highs and lows, and it can be even more difficult and stressful to ride out the bumps in the road when those around us are looking for our support and guidance whilst bombarding us with their own questions.

The right question to ask

When talking to our mentees about these kinds of challenges, one way of reframing the situation is to ask them a question that we consider to be an essential question for every leader:

“What if everything is EXACTLY as it should be?”

This simple enquiry is a very powerful way of stepping back from recriminations and blame, or endless analysis about why something has happened. It’s not just for when something has gone wrong, as it can even help us to handle big successes if we’re feeling overwhelmed, such as when we’ve been handed a big promotion and get a hit of imposter syndrome.

Try it. Ask yourself, “What if everything is EXACTLY as it should be?”

Coping with change

It’s a particularly useful question when in a situation that we can’t control. As a leader it can be especially frightening to realise that there are things we can’t control, not least because others are looking to us for strength and reassurance.

When we accept that “we are where we are”, and take a moment to assess the new reality, we’re then able to take back control by deciding how to adapt (there’s more in this previous blog about how acceptance and adaptation are vital for thriving through change).

Fearless leadership

This essential question also enables us to lead without fear. There’s a very interesting book called The Other Side of Happiness, where Dr Brock Bastian encourages his readers to live fearlessly, arguing that “addiction to positivity and the pursuit of pleasure is actually making us miserable.” His research shows that “without some pain, we have no real way to achieve and appreciate the kind of happiness that is true and transcendent.”

Dr Bastian believes that, by not just accepting and adapting to life’s challenges, but actually embracing them, we can become “stronger, more resilient, more connected to other people and more attuned to what truly matters.”

Seeking answers

The beauty of this question is also that it works equally well with others as it does with ourselves. If a member of your team is struggling with a situation, try asking them, “What if everything is EXACTLY as it should be?”. Rather than giving them answers to their problem or dilemma, it will help guide them to find their own solution.

In the interests of exploring further, and gently seeking even greater insight, in a mentoring situation we will often use a series of follow-up questions too, such as:

• Why would that be the case here?
• What might it be that you need to learn?
• What “muscle” could this be strengthening for you?

The answers to these enquiries are always enlightening and frequently transformational for the mentee.

Have a play, and see what results you get.

After all, iTS Leadership!