The feedback that changed my life

Feedback is an essential part of leadership, both giving and receiving it. It’s wonderful when the feedback is positive, but what about when we have to take or deliver criticism? Much earlier in my career I had the cringeworthy experience of hearing some home truths from a senior leader, but I learned so much from the incident that I doubt I’d be where I am today if it hadn’t happened.

Pride comes before a fall

I had been tipped off to apply for a role that had been created in the company, as head of a new department. While I wasn’t sure it was a job I really wanted, I was flattered and persuaded that it would be a good move for me, so I duly applied. I put a lot of work into preparing for the interview and presentation I had to give and, if I’m honest, I got a bit caught up in my own brilliance! I’m embarrassed to admit that I even put a soundtrack on my presentation: the Robbie Williams song Let me entertain you. I know what you’re thinking and you’re right: what an egotistical, arrogant idiot (and, in hindsight, I totally agree!).

A week later I was aghast that I hadn’t got the job, but when I heard who they had appointed, I knew they had chosen the right person and I carried on with my current role. Shortly after, I had to take a long trip to the South West of England for a team meeting with my boss and all his direct reports. I was very surprised to be told that the Country Manager, my boss’s boss, was coming, and the main reason was to see me! He drove for four or five hours to take me out for a long walk, where he give me detailed and lengthy feedback, telling me in person what a complete mess I’d made of the interview.

Lessons learned

As he spoke it dawned on me that everything he said was true. I was so ashamed of how I’d behaved. It was very hard to hear, but I took his words to heart. He impressed upon me the importance of humility and understanding that no-one has all the answers; the value of listening to others, of never letting ego get in the way of our decisions. He told me that I had a bright future ahead of me if I changed my attitude, but I’d made a very big mistake.

That day I learned that when things go wrong, the first place to look is in the mirror, and the first question to ask is “How might I be contributing to the problem?”. He made me aware of how I was limiting myself with my attitude and behaviour, and that each one of us creates our own reality.

When I look back on the feedback I received and how it was delivered, I realise how lucky I was to have had the kind of ‘boss’s boss’ who would take a whole day out of his busy schedule to come and speak to me in person. He didn’t need to do that, and yet, if he hadn’t, I am certain that it wouldn’t have had the same impact and that I almost certainly wouldn’t be doing what I am today.

I learned that there is an art to delivering feedback and, when done well, even the harshest criticism can have a positive outcome, but that depends on the recipient. I learned from his example what it is to be a great leader.

Not getting that job was the best thing that could have happened, and that day changed my life and my leadership.

That Country Manager was Roger Hemmingway and I want to thank him.

After all, iTS Leadership.